Misopogon

I want to reiterate this: AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I tried. I really did. I played it for months and tweaked things and it just kept getting buggier and worse and more impossible to field or run or hit or throw, and there's no way to get any team except the Rangers to hit and the Rangers you can't play because they can't get out ever and the graphics are worse (way way way way worse) than two iterations ago, and quite simply this is an embarrassment to 2KSports. Every time I load the game I am sucked into the astounding depths of 2k's incompetence. I'm sure they realize this was a crap product they mailed in because the franchise is shutting down. So why am I putting any more time into it?

File Name: 1968 Detroit Tigers File Submitter: Misopogon File Submitted: 01 May 2012 File Updated: 01 May 2012 File Category: Uniforms and Accessories I had these for MLB2k10 but never released them because I couldn't figure out how to get the numbers on the sleeves. Now you can (Ty Wiggins (NTTW) is a deity!), and thanks to tonight's rain-out and the fact that certain people on the work flow on either side of me are not getting their stuff in on time. Since they were looking more boring than Bingo night with the old Senators' uniforms, I added a patch for the '68 winners. So I guess technically this is the Summer of Love. Whatever: it's the '60s--as if anyone remembered them anyway! I was going to write a nice thing about my dad and the sixties here but it's late. Maybe later. Click here to download this file

File Name: Hammerin' Hank, 1945, and How Jews Feel About Gefilte Fish File Submitter: Misopogon File Submitted: 29 Apr 2012 File Category: Uniforms and Accessories If you have never heard of gefilte fish, imagine if you took dead fish, mashed it up into a ball, boiled it, then pickled it. So as the tale goes, with a week left to go in the 1938 season Hank Greenberg had 58 home runs. At this point his mother promised him if he could hit 61 homers she would make him 61 gefilte fish. Greenberg proceeded to hit 0 more home runs that season. Some thought it was because the league and country were filled with anti-Semites who might tolerate a Jewish ballplayer but not a Jewish home run record-holder. Some thought most ballplayers go much more than a week between three home runs. But the gefilte fish thing clears up any doubt for me: so long as there are people in the world who hate people in the world, Jewish women will continue to cook gefilte fish, and Jewish men will find new and original means of avoiding eating gefilte fish. So is the way of the world. Much about that world is out of your control. Hank couldn't avoid the fact that the best years of his career came during the time everyone had to go beat Hitler. So Greenberg went as a 30-year-old, ... ..and returned a 34-year-old. In baseball in 1945 this was pretty old. However most of the boys were still overseas as the 1945 season got underway, so even an aging Hammerin' Hank vaulted the Tigers back into the World Series. Thus began what some chroniclers have called the worst World Series ever, with replacement-level players abounding on both teams (remember this is two years before Jackie Robinson so most of the best ballplayers stateside couldn't play either). The result was an error-filled, will-someone-please-just-lose fest. Why the Cubs looked so terrible has to do with a sacrificed goat in biblical times or something, but you can probably guess what was wrong with the Tigers: Mrs. Greenberg almost assuredly promised another batch of gefilte fish. Today we honor Hank Greenberg and the 1945 Tigers with their uniforms... ...ahem, their uniforms: ...from the year Detroit won the War, the World Series, and the liberty of all mankind. We should never forget the tremendous sacrifices they made--not just giving up the primes of their careers to fight for Uncle Sam, but finally sucking it up and eating Bubbe Greenberg's famous baseball-shaped gefilte fish. You are true heroes. Note: by now if you don't know to change the name of a uniform file from something made to work with TyWiggin's editor, leave it in the comments. Also: the team wore something like it last year to honor the '45-ers but they changed up the logo and wouldn't go back to flannels. I had no such compunction. I'm especially proud of how the chest logo came out. Click here to download this file

File Name: Hating Texas Since 1994 File Submitter: Misopogon File Submitted: 28 Apr 2012 File Updated: 28 Apr 2012 File Category: Uniforms and Accessories (Note: This is meant as humor along with your jerseys, inspired because 20 family members from the DFW metro area are in town this week and the inconsiderate way in which the Rangers beat up on the Tigers. I don't actually have anything against the State of Texas, its baseball team, or the great people of that awful state.) (Note 2: Unless Delmon Young is from there, because as far as I'm concerned he can go to hell, or Texas.) (Note 3: I attached three png's in the file for modders with Photoshop, since GiMP's DDS plugin loses some quality with its compression. If one of you would be kind enough to compress and send me the DDS's for those I can update the file version) (Note 4: None of this applies to Austin. Stay weird friends!) (Note 5: I think if you actually check stats Texas is only in the bottom third of hated states. This is not scientific. It's humor.) (Note 6: If I keep saying this isn't serious people may believe me) 94 reasons why everybody hates Texas: "Don't Mess With Texas" bumper stickers All of the Rangers' uniforms say "Texas" even at home. ...and they put THEIR STATE FLAG on the jerseys, even though they're not even the only baseball team in the state. Astroturf. Thanks for that guys; the knees of two generations of ruined athletes are truly grateful. You can't get anywhere in their cities because their highways become a sea of black Excursions, Suburbans, and RAV4's with one occupant each. Four words: Dallas-Fort Worth International. They shot Kennedy ...so they could make Lyndon B. Johnson president and make us all go to Vietnam. George W. Bush That the Rangers were once owned by (a group of scumdouches who chose as their face guy) George W. Bush ...and then you made him governor just to get rid of him as owner ...and then you made him president just to get rid of him as governor. ...and that because he was so epically bad at it the GOOD Bush son can't even run now. The Longhorn Network I'm pretty sure you were responsible for "Who let the dogs out?" becoming a thing. Their dysfunctional sibling rivalry in college football that was mostly responsible for turning the SEC and ACC into 14-team behemoths, ruining 12 other great rivalries, and destroying the Big XII. How you made Randy Smith your *****. Nolan Ryan They only joined the United States because the slave states needed to up their numbers. They celebrate the fact that they've had five other sovereigns other than the United States (i.e. "Six Flags"). These are: France, Spain, Mexico, the Republic of Texas, and the Confederacy. Seriously they are PROUD of this. The think the Alamo is the most important event in history, because Sam Houston and Davy Crockett personally held off an army of skeleton Mexicans. Craig James (no truth to the rumors that he killed five hookers while at SMU) That Craig James actually thought he could run for your Senate Seat! ...and that some of you actually voted for him! ...and that you used that whole farce with his son to get out of paying Mike Leach They use more power, more gas, and more electricity in that state than all but eight countries. Their environmental footprint is worse than that of France. SMU King of the Hill -- Go back to making Beavis & Butthead plz k thx. That their political ads always feature a dude in a huge cowboy hat and cowboy boots standing in front of a fence and talking about "Texas values," despite the fact that barely any Texans are actually ranchers. The only politicians who own ranches are rich dudes who bought them as second homes and so they could tell other Texas they own a ranch. Beehive hairdos Enron. You even had a field named for them! Dallas is the cubicle farm of cities. The whole city is a bunch of boring, architecturally infantile gray boxes and concrete and decorated with soulless, meaningless art because some psychologist said art will increase productivity. They get much of their information from Yahoo! Answers. They believe every home should have a gun in it, but God forbid somebody ever actually use a gun to go hunting! They kept voting Tom DeLay into office. More cults, and more people who belong to a cult than any other state. David Koresh Hook 'em Horns, and Claws and Antlers. Congratulations: you just discovered you have hands. That they one day decided to call the Cowboys "America's Team" when nobody in America except Texas liked them. Seriously: we all wanted Buffalo to finally win one you bastards. That every school district has to use the same textbook, therefore textbook makers write them in order to please the psychopath politicians you elect to choose the book. The most gerrymandered map of any democratic political body in the entire world They're everything that people hate about the South (bad education, racism, biases, bible-thumping) without any of the good parts about the south (deep respect for history, traditions, politeness, good looking women, great football) They're everything that people hate about Yankees (pretentious, oblivious to other ways of life, outlet malls) without the good parts about the North (architecture, education, um...really good cheese?) Belt Buckles!!!!!! That you think theme parks are "Cultural Attractions" "Everything is bigger in Texas" ...seriously, your whole state has either Napoleon or smalltrophy syndrome. That the Spurs complain bitterly when bad officiating screwed them out of an important game, then went on to win multiple championships with some of the most famously biased officiating ever. That you're such dicks to California. Not that we all like California that much but we don't understand why you're so hard on them. Like when you stole all of their electricity and gave them brownouts because they passed a stupid law that made it possible for you to do that. Did nobody say "hey, let's warn California that their law is going to get them screwed?" instead of bankrupting another state so your richest a-holes could get even filthy richier? Mark Cuban. Shut up, Mark. The Mavs. Dirk Nowitzki's singing voice: "WLeeeee Ahhhhr thu Chaaaampyuns" Lamar Odom, Shawn Marion, Vince Carter, Jason Kidd...what are you TRYING to corner the market on universally despised players? That we had to root for you last year anyway because there was NO WAY we were rooting for Miami. That you're probably personally responsible for 50% of U.S. obesity. That when people of other countries do an "American" accent they sound just like you. ...and that most of what they say they hate about Americans mostly applies to Texans. How much you paid just to TALK to Yu Darvish. SXSW: the fastest awesome-to-overblown and commercialized transition for any event in history Juan Gonzalez. /shakes with angar You build everything too big and too cheap without any consideration of any factors other than is it big and is it cheap You are willing to screw over all of college football in order to maintain the charade that Baylor and Texas Tech are BCS teams, and you think UTEP and SMU and TCU should be as well, as if Indiana didn't have a bigger athletic program than all of those schools put together. You blame regulations for your refineries and power plants all being way way out of date, then spend what it would cost you to fix that every election cycle so politicians who will bail you out of your environmental jams can run commercials of themselves in huge cowboy hats and cowboy boots standing in front of a fence talking about values. That Texas actually held out longer than any SEC school in integrating your athletic teams, and were so proud of Chairman of the Board of Regents Frank C. Erwin for his staunch opposition to blacks in burnt orange that you named the basketball arena for him! Rick Perry. Rick Perry commercials. If you ever subject us to those again... Whatever Elvis Andrus is putting in his hair. That is so gross. That you use the Death Penalty on kids and mentally disabled. That you literally started a riot because they cut off your beer on 10-cent beer night. The worst health care in the country, and more large companies who don't provide health care than any other state. Mullets. Either chop that thing or put it in a hockey helmet please. Terrelle Owens when he was with the Cowboys. How many crappy bowl games can you come up with to scam schools out of millions? Whose idea was it to let Jose Canseco pitch? That Mack Brown voted Cal out of the Top 10 so Texas could take their spot in the '95 Rose Bowl There are 3 million people in the world who are tougher than Chuck Norris. Get over it. Country Music. And not good country music like they have in the border states which is dripping with soul and the anguish of poverty and the sublime joys of a "simple" life that's anything but simple, but the rhinestone crap sung by a dude in sequins and with his shirt tucked into too-tight jeans who spends way too long on the 2nd syllable of "A-MER-ica" That you wear cowboy boots in 9,000 places that they're inappropriate (weddings, airplanes, swimming...) That you were the only state whose police gave Chris Hanson carte blanche to film To Catch a Predator and because of your incompetence every single perv on that episode walked. Yes, my state takes responsibility for Chris Hanson, but he is from Lansing, which is as different from the rest of our state as Austin is from yours. How long did you keep employing John Rhadigan? This didn't embarrass you at all? Your approach to business is to Look Out for Number 1 -- we actually take seminars about how to do business with some of your companies because their approach is to try to screw their partners, not make money for their partners. Didn't you outlaw sodomy or something? Like were there debates about this? Matthew McConaughy That they're the only state who actually care that people hate them. Think about it: Californians will just be like "yeah we hate it too." New Yorkers will be like "whatever; we are superior." Alabamans will just talk about how Nick Saban will kick one of your body parts. Illinois will say "that's just our politicians we hate them too." Floridians will just blame a segment of their population. New Jersey will call it a "Jersey thing." Midwestern states will just figure you're from their rival state and mention the last time their football team beat yours (except Nebraska: I've yet to meet anyone who hates Nebraskans. They're just a super-nice state. It's so weird. Unrelated: nobody hates people from Colorado either. A list of things people hate about Colorado starts and ends with Claude Lemieux, who isn't even from Colorado). That they keep screwing around with Michael Young instead of trading him to a team that would love him. You have one likeable guy on your team, so every year you sign or bring up a new superstar for his position. God forbid you ever move Murphy. Your attitude towards your border with another country, who by the way happens to be an important friend and ally and business partner with our country. You don't see us patrolling the St. Clair river shooting Canadians do you? That you stole the Stars from Minnesota, and thus forced us to expand the NHL AGAIN just to give the most obvious hockey city in the USA a hockey team. Guess which MLB team was Ground Zero for the steroid '90s? That you signed A-Rod for more per year than some teams' entire annual salaries, and then spent years paying the Yankees a big portion of that contract. You were PAYING the YANKEES! Because they need more money. That you complained so hard about Elvis Andrus not winning Rookie of the Year (you were right about that) but then threw out every one of your arguments for Andrus plus all pretended like you've never heard of SABRmetrics when trying to justify Feliz the following year. Stop throwing chairs at fans, breaking TV cameras, etc. Ron Paul, Ron Paultards, and that they've made it so being a libertarian is now synonymous with the idiots who think smart grid meters and airport metal detectors will give you cancer. That no matter how many disclaimers I put above, people from Texas are still going to get offended and try to defend themselves and their stupid state. Watch. The one thing that totally makes up for all of that: Your barbecue! <object width="420" height="315"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/_GhHf_5-cdE?version=3&amp;hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/_GhHf_5-cdE?version=3&amp;hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="420" height="315" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object> Click here to download this file

File Name: '94 Tigers Aways, and the inspiring story of 2kSports color manager Ben Hornbrauer File Submitter: Misopogon File Submitted: 15 Apr 2012 File Updated: 15 Apr 2012 File Category: Uniforms and Accessories It was 1994. This was the year that Weezer's famous "Navy" album came out: Nick Nolte and Shaq starred in the classic film "Navy Chips," not to be confused with "Navy Sky" with Tommy Lee Jones, which also came out that year. The Duke Navy Devils, led by senior Grant Hill, made it all the way to the National Championship game and lost, which by Duke logic means the season isn't worth talking about. It was the year that the Toronto Navy Jays dynasty aged, though with young rookies Carlos Delgado and Alex Gonzalez (THAT Alex Gonzalez) promising a bright future. The Law & Order episode "Navy Bamboo" caused a minor international crisis between Japan and the United States. 1994 was also the most embarrassing year ever for the ol' Red, White, and Navy Olympic Figure Skating team when Tonya Harding attacked Nancy Kerrigan in Detroit. Kerrigan, in her trademark navy shirt pictured above, vowed she wouldn't sit around being navy and slowly worked her way back to the ice. Also injured in that accident was a young Ben Hornbrauer, then wardrobe manager for the Olympic team, whose eyes were struck by the hammer. The incident made it impossible for Hornbrauer to differentiate between different different color shades -- his entire world no longer had any contrast. Even simple things like telling the difference between a navybird and a cardinal were impossible. Hornbrauer's remarkable road to recovery took 12 years. The battle to regain his color differentiation was a long and painful process. Most doctors said it would be impossible, but finally he found one person, not a doctor per se, more like a "member of the cast of Real World," who put Hornbrauer on a strict regimen involving 9 straight years of doing nothing but bashing his forehead against various hard objects until the colors righted themselves. Now the Director of Color Programming for 2K Sports, when Detroit pitcher Justin Verlander was selected to be cover athlete for MLB 2k12, Hornbrauer achieved his comeback, returning to the very place of the incident and selecting the absolute most perfect pantone Navy for the Detroit Tigers' uniforms. Here's Hornbrauer's work: As you can see Hornbrauer's navy is DISTINCTLY different from the color "navy" like in shoes and navy cake, and batman's costume. In his speech at the unveiling of MLB 2k12, Hornbrauer thanked 2K Sports for giving him the opportunity to prove he is once again among able to discern the difference between the Navy of the Navy Jays or the Kansas City Navies, and the totally different shade worn by the New York Yankees or Detroit Tigers. He also mentioned he doesn't know who swapped the white and orange parts of the player name lettering but that clearly some ___hole in his department was going to be fired for it. In honor of Hornbrauer's remarkable journey, I present to you the uniforms the Detroit Tigers wore in 1994. Unfortunately I couldn't get Ben himself to provide the colors for this, so these unis use a non-Ben-selected shade of Navy. I put in two versions of this, one for Mod Enabler use so you can try to use it with MLB Today modes or if you don't have Ty Wiggins's editor. This is as much as I can do about Hornbrauer's Navy: If you do use Ty's editor, it'll look thus: Click here to download this file