RaysFTW Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 Hello. Many of you know me, but some do not. I am Kazmir26. There's this one girl I have liked for more than a year and I asked her out a few days ago to homecoming and she said no, but she said I could come with her and her friends. I'm currently 16, but she's only a few months younger than me. Yesterday, I told her that I liked her for about a year and told her I was just going to go to homecoming by myself, and I kind of used the guilt thing on her. The thing is it kind of backfired when she said she could be kind of like my date and dance together, etc. I felt pretty bad after a while and I said no, but she convinced me into saying yes. If anyone has any suggestions as to what I should do now and at homecoming, I would take the suggestions into consideration. I am very desperate and need help as I have liked her for more than a year now. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SESbb30 Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 well, id just try and be her friend, then let her see the best side of you, and if she doesnt like you then, then it wasnt meant to be. and if it doesnt work out, you've got a good friend out of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigRog Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 tap that **** seriously though you should have become close friends before you asked her out u should talk to KC he has amazing advice when it comes to girls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinnieThaPujols Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 tap that **** seriously though you should have become close friends before you asked her out u should talk to KC he has amazing advice when it comes to girls To be perfectly blunt, I think this is horrible advice (the part about being friends). This applies to situations when you're young: a girl will view you either as a love interest or as a friend. It's either one or the other. As the strength of your friendship increases, your chances for anything romantic start taking a dive. Coming from someone who's had a couple of really bad heartbreaks after hearing "just friends" after weeks/months of flirting, I can say this is honestly how I feel... Look up the "Friend Zone" online. Google it. I'm not alone in this belief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kccitystar Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 Hello. Many of you know me, but some do not. I am Kazmir26. There's this one girl I have liked for more than a year and I asked her out a few days ago to homecoming and she said no, but she said I could come with her and her friends. I'm currently 16, but she's only a few months younger than me. Yesterday, I told her that I liked her for about a year and told her I was just going to go to homecoming by myself, and I kind of used the guilt thing on her. The thing is it kind of backfired when she said she could be kind of like my date and dance together, etc. I felt pretty bad after a while and I said no, but she convinced me into saying yes. If anyone has any suggestions as to what I should do now and at homecoming, I would take the suggestions into consideration. I am very desperate and need help as I have liked her for more than a year now. Thank you. You never want to invest more than what you can afford to lose when it comes to things like this. By that, I mean you don't want to put all your hope into Plan A and completely ditch Plan B, you dig? I'm sure you were hoping things would be perfect and have a chick-flick ending, but as today's society proves time and time again, this is not always the case. You said that she told you she could "kind of be like your date", yet she denied your advances when you asked her to go to homecoming with you. She's been friends with you for about a year now, as you say. Have you two gotten close, by any chance? Like calling each other, having actual conversations about things that aren't funny, stuff like that? If so, all I can say is that you pulled the trigger too soon. That's the problem though with a lot of potential relationships. You meet a girl, she's cool and all, and you get stuck in this space between two points in time. You're stuck with two fates. You make moves too soon and she might think you are rushing things. OR You wait too long to make moves and she no longer is interested in a relationship with you. There's a balance somewhere in between those two points, and for some people, it's hard to find that balance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kccitystar Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 To be perfectly blunt, I think this is horrible advice (the part about being friends). This applies to situations when you're young: a girl will view you either as a love interest or as a friend. It's either one or the other. As the strength of your friendship increases, your chances for anything romantic start taking a dive. Coming from someone who's had a couple of really bad heartbreaks after hearing "just friends" after weeks/months of flirting, I can say this is honestly how I feel... Look up the "Friend Zone" online. Google it. I'm not alone in this belief. The minute I start feeling an attraction to a girl, I immediately cease being friends with her. For us guys, we don't have a "friends ladder" like women do. We have a "girls we want to nail" ladder. Your G/F is #10 as she is your G/F, and from 9 on down to 1 its' from who you'd most likely want to hit to who you would hit drunk and not admit to it. Guys can't be friends with women if they feel an attraction, because it will never go anywhere past friends. The highest you can go on a woman's friendship ladder is being a Cuddle Bitch and that is no good. Being in the friend zone sucks, but being in the friend zone and suffering from blue balls is just borderline criminal. That's just what a cuddle b*tch is. A CB is essentially someone who fulfills all of the intimacy a girl lacks in a relationship (i.e. cuddling, spooning, etc.) that her boyfriend cannot provide because he is an abusive jackass. The friend zone guy gets to be the proxy father/confessor/friend/teddy bear for her, depending on what she is missing at the time. Why do you think a lot of A-List douchebags get the hot babes? Because girls do not have enough time to decide if he is date worthy or friendship worthy. Then again, women are the poorest decision makers there are. I always laugh when a girl tells me that they don't want to ruin the friendship because they see me as their best friend. It's ridiculous. Why? Because their man/boyfriend/husband is supposed to be like their best friend since they share common interests. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigRog Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 The minute I start feeling an attraction to a girl, I immediately cease being friends with her. For us guys, we don't have a "friends ladder" like women do. We have a "girls we want to nail" ladder. Your G/F is #10 as she is your G/F, and from 9 on down to 1 its' from who you'd most likely want to hit to who you would hit drunk and not admit to it. Guys can't be friends with women if they feel an attraction, because it will never go anywhere past friends. The highest you can go on a woman's friendship ladder is being a Cuddle Bitch and that is no good. Being in the friend zone sucks, but being in the friend zone and suffering from blue balls is just borderline criminal. That's just what a cuddle b*tch is. A CB is essentially someone who fulfills all of the intimacy a girl lacks in a relationship (i.e. cuddling, spooning, etc.) that her boyfriend cannot provide because he is an abusive jackass. The friend zone guy gets to be the proxy father/confessor/friend/teddy bear for her, depending on what she is missing at the time. Why do you think a lot of A-List douchebags get the hot babes? Because girls do not have enough time to decide if he is date worthy or friendship worthy. Then again, women are the poorest decision makers there are. I always laugh when a girl tells me that they don't want to ruin the friendship because they see me as their best friend. It's ridiculous. Why? Because their man/boyfriend/husband is supposed to be like their best friend since they share common interests. that last line is a basis of "The Diary of a Tired Black Man" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFallenPhoenix Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 i have jacked my boyfriend's computer and, therefore, his account to post advice. (meaning, this isn't thefallenphoenix speaking.) speaking as both someone who was formerly a 16 year old girl (i'm guessing this doesn't apply to anyone else who's trying to help...), and someone who is in a very successful relationship, and has been for over a year, i might be able to help. so, she said no to a one-on-one date. maybe she's not yet ready to delve into a date. maybe she's more comfortable with her friends. but, she talked you into going, and said she'd dance with you. that means she might be at least mildly interested. maybe she's using her friends as a buffer.... i would suggest being a perfect gentleman at the dance. dance with her, but only however she seems to want to dance. don't do anything that makes her uncomfortable. (this one's important. if you really care about her, treat her with respect. so many men won't, and so, when guys do, girls are impressed.) be as charming as you can, but be yourself. if she has a good time, and you had something to do with that, the chances of a real date later are far more probable (but not guaranteed, so if not, accept that you tried, but don't push it. that's bad for future chances). if you have a good time, mention it. tell her "i had a good time. i'm glad you talked me into coming." sometimes, girls don't know what they want. they want a safe environment for trying something... it's a little like test-driving a car.... but if you can show her the good time she was looking for, maybe she'll realize that you were what she wanted, and give you a real chance. hope this helps you! good luck! :grin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigRog Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 i have jacked my boyfriend's computer and, therefore, his account to post advice. speaking as both someone who was formerly a 16 year old girl (i'm guessing this doesn't apply to anyone else who's trying to help...), and someone who is in a very successful relationship, and has been for over a year, i might be able to help. so, she said no to a one-on-one date. maybe she's not yet ready to delve into a date. maybe she's more comfortable with her friends. but, she talked you into going, and said she'd dance with you. that means she might be at least mildly interested. maybe she's using her friends as a buffer.... i would suggest being a perfect gentleman at the dance. dance with her, but only however she seems to want to dance. don't do anything that makes her uncomfortable. (this one's important. if you really care about her, treat her with respect. so many men won't, and so, when guys do, girls are impressed.) be as charming as you can, but be yourself. if she has a good time, and you had something to do with that, the chances of a real date later are far more probable (but not guaranteed, so if not, accept that you tried, but don't push it. that's bad for future chances). if you have a good time, mention it. tell her "i had a good time. i'm glad you talked me into coming." sometimes, girls don't know what they want. they want a safe environment for trying something... it's a little like test-driving a car.... but if you can show her the good time she was looking for, maybe she'll realize that you were what she wanted, and give you a real chance. hope this helps you! good luck! :grin: from the context of the post you know its coming from a lady great advice but girls can be straight up confusing :headache: glad im already tied down Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwentySeven Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 from the context of the post you know its coming from a lady great advice but man girls are confusing :headache: glad im already tied down Actually, that's the conclusion I drew right away too. Girls aren't all that tough to figure out. Then again, it's an acquired talent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superciuc Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 Man, i really can't understand girls. It's too tough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RaysFTW Posted September 29, 2007 Author Share Posted September 29, 2007 The thing is I'm already good friends with her, so that's the reason why I asked her out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JP_Frost Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 Watch out for the friendship circle, once you're in it's really hard to get out and start dating a girl. I knew this girl in high school and i was friends with her. Eventually I had a crush on her, which wasn't a big problem, except for the fact that she was a real tease. That made things really tough, because I never knew if I could make a move or not. After a while she found out and said she wasn't interested in me that way, but the friendship still remains. Needless to say I'm still trying to get into her pants to get some peace of mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucas Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 LOL. I'd say just be kind and sensitive to her, and be patient. Just see what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D-Unit Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 As long as you're a good friend of hers and reassure that you're there for her no matter what, things can change. I'm in the situation where this girl I'm close with that I really like is starting to like me..and I'm going with her to homecoming to...but I made sure it was just as friends...don't rush it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigRog Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 i was friends with my g/f for 4 yrs finally asked her out a graduation and to my amazement she felt the same way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arossi12 Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 Stop caring and start modding cyberfaces. Worked for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigRog Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 :lmao: post of the day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D-Unit Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 As long as you respect her, she's at least gonna think about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucas Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 As long as you respect her, she's at least gonna think about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kccitystar Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 No disrespect, Kazmir26, but since you are already her friend, that role has already been cemented in her mind. You're 16, so there are going to be a ton of other girls you encounter as you progress through high school and when you hit college. My bro (BigJay on this forum) is 14 so I know how the deal is with you young guys. Just accept the situation for what it is and move forward. If you two are still friends then that's just dandy. If not, you learn from the experience. When I was 16, I became this girl's intellectual whore. She only wanted to be buddy buddy with me because I was funny and smart. I was being used for her amusement and entertainment while they were busy messing around with douche bags. Surely because I was so infatuated with this woman, I turned a blind eye and convinced myself that she was really digging me for me. Eventually my moment of embarrassment came when I stood in the freezing cold for about 3-5 hours just to get a frigging music CD for this girl for valentine's day, and I got clowned at. I got over that by just accepting the situation for what it was and learning from it, eventually moving forward. D-Unit is right though, as long as you show that respect towards her, you will be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RaysFTW Posted September 30, 2007 Author Share Posted September 30, 2007 No disrespect, Kazmir26, but since you are already her friend, that role has already been cemented in her mind. You're 16, so there are going to be a ton of other girls you encounter as you progress through high school and when you hit college. My bro (BigJay on this forum) is 14 so I know how the deal is with you young guys. Just accept the situation for what it is and move forward. If you two are still friends then that's just dandy. If not, you learn from the experience. When I was 16, I became this girl's intellectual whore. She only wanted to be buddy buddy with me because I was funny and smart. I was being used for her amusement and entertainment while they were busy messing around with douche bags. Surely because I was so infatuated with this woman, I turned a blind eye and convinced myself that she was really digging me for me. Eventually my moment of embarrassment came when I stood in the freezing cold for about 3-5 hours just to get a frigging music CD for this girl for valentine's day, and I got clowned at. I got over that by just accepting the situation for what it was and learning from it, eventually moving forward. D-Unit is right though, as long as you show that respect towards her, you will be fine. None taken. I respect your advice and I have learned a great deal about girls and what I should do from you and all the others that have posted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucas Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 Basically the trick is, don't try to be something you aren't. Be honest with her, and ultimately let her know how you feel. Not with words, but with actions. Kindness may seem cliche, but its not; its the best way to a girls heart. I've had plenty of experience with this sort of thing, and the best way to deal with it is to trust yourself. Do what you think is right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kccitystar Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 None taken. I respect your advice and I have learned a great deal about girls and what I should do from you and all the others that have posted. Girls are confusing man, sometimes you start to think that all they want is just a complete douchebag, and girls will tell you something completely different, where they want a nice guy and all this stuff. You get kind of confused, like WTF do you want since they don't quite know what they want themselves but it's simple. They want a little of both. They don't want a complete Romeo, and they don't want a complete Rambo either. You can't be completely sensitive and talk about rainbows and unicorns, and at the same time you can't talk about stuff blowing up and how you choked out a bear one time. Girls like guys who act like men, but you have to find that balance between being sour and sweet, and that doesn't come overnight. It takes a while to find that balance. Relationships deal with a lot of things, specifically compromises and sacrifices. Believe it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kccitystar Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 Basically the trick is, don't try to be something you aren't. Be honest with her, and ultimately let her know how you feel. Not with words, but with actions. Kindness may see cliche, but its not; its the best way to a girls heart. I've had plenty of experience with this sort of thing, and the best way to deal with it is to trust yourself. Do what you think is right. Generally speaking you need to always know who you are, accept and be comfortable with who you are. When you're a teen, you have completely no idea who you are and so you go from thing to thing trying to figure out how to define yourself. That's totally natural, and part of finding yourself is putting on other "identities" to figure it out. That's fine, but always come back to who you are, and don't try and be anyone but yourself. Wisdom is always earned and not learned, and the best way to get earned wisdom is to experience as much as possible. The more you see of the world, the smaller and more understandable it becomes. It's been great having discussions like these with the MVPMods youth, lol and I say that loosely because I am 19 going on 20. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.